You may not know this about me, but I’m easily bored. I was summoned to jury duty today, one of the most mind-numbing experiences one can have in this world, and I thought I’d keep myself (and, hopefully, others) amused by live-tweeting the experience. So here are my tweets from today:
8:38 AM @TheKaufmann At the courthouse for #JuryDuty. Everyone looks SO happy to be here.
9:59 AM @TheKaufmann This #JuryDuty orientation video is hilarious! Must’ve been made in the ’80s or early ’90s, judging from the women’s enormous shoulder pads.
9:59 AM @TheKaufmann Video opens with a cheesy medieval trial-by-ordeal scene. “If only juries had been around then, none of this would have happened!” #JuryDuty
10:00 AM @TheKaufmann Later, when it laments how the Roman emperors did away with juries, THE VIDEO SHOWS JESUS BEING CRUCIFIED AS A RESULT! #JuryDuty
10:08 AM @TheKaufmann If only the Romans had kept juries! Then Christianity never would have happened!
2:07 PM @TheKaufmann The view from the court house. #JuryDuty pic.twitter.com/o7C7A5pZ
3:46 PM @TheKaufmann Narrowly avoided being selected for a jury after world’s longest voir dire! #JuryDuty
3:59 PM @TheKaufmann Dismissed for the next eight years! #JuryDuty
It really was the longest voir dire ever. There were about forty of us called for a criminal trial, and we all had to be questioned. It took pretty much all day, so at least jury duty passed quickly. The judge was cool, too. Very funny, very open, and completely committed to the principle that the defendant was innocent until proven guilty. That was very heartening! Anyway, now I’m free until 2020, when Twitter will be obsolete, so next time I’ll probably be live BleepBlorping the experience.
You got lucky. I had to play alternate for several grand juries for a week. They hear eight cases a day, and every good Brooklyn citizen thinks she’s the next Sherlock Holmes.
That sounds awful!
This was the first time I wasn’t picked for a jury, and I was thrilled!